I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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