fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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