I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
