Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize