Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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