I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
