today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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