Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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