im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
