You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
