this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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