bring money and cleavage
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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