there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
