really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
