Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can text with my tongue
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
