Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
