she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
