How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
