lets start a swedish sibling band together
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
