omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
