Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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