butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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