You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
