yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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