Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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