doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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