I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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