Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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