Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
