dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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