You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
