never play flip cup with pint glasses
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
3 2 1 whiskey
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
