she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
