Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
