So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize