We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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