You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
