ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
