So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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