Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize