I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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