I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
