I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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