Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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