I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sext me about skeletons
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
