I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
