Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
