Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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