Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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