i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
