then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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