every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
