i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
