so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
