you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
