you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
