She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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