You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
