i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize