don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
