Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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