I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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