I want to make a zoo with you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
