I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
