I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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