Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
