Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
