Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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