Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
