my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
