my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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